Hi there, bighead.

It takes brains and vision to create something like the Honeycrisp. — Don’t get me wrong, I love trees and I have to admit oxygen is a fine invention. I breathe it every day myself. But I can’t stand idly (as a tree would do) and let a plant take credit for a man’s work. So if anyone’s to pick up the…

Cows eat the grass. Sharks kill the cows. — If I learned anything from the movie Jaws (and I haven’t) is that sharks don’t have the type of face you’d wanna ask to buy a recycled bracelet for your beach clean-up initiative. But the truth is, sharks do contribute to the fight against the global warming mess we have…

One-clappers, link droppers, listicle grinders, clout chasers — just how sinful and immoral are they? Artificial intelligence answers. — Since Ev is probably busy planning the next pivot for the platform anyway, I took the liberty of finding us someone who could provide this place with a bit of a moral compass. My first choice was Pai Mei, but he turned out to be fictional. So meet Delphi Delphi is an artificial…

No country for slow adopters. — But what is the metaverse though? It’s bad news for grandmas who were just starting to understand how to use Gmail with a mouse and keyboard. It’s the successor of the internet. The tech leap that will make the web into something more than just a bunch of underwater tubes. …

Kinda bored of having to slap an asterisk every time I give a f*ck about something. — Am I the only one around worn-out by this bullsh%itting f$ckery of a c$cks%cking sh😜t parade of censorship? Who are we protecting here? Please don’t tell me the nut allergy kids swell from reading swear words too— I’m having 67% of my personality muted here. If someone gets shellshocked by swear words, why are they here?

When museums start joining OnlyFans, you know you’ve gone too far. — As much as I’d like to spice up my feed with open-legged clit close-ups and Jerkmate banner ads, I’m not trying to make a case for rampant nudity here. I don’t need to. 14-year-old kids know where to go to get the bare stuff anyway. …

Strap in for the sloth’s brilliant survival strategy, because there’s a lot of poo involved. — The first guy that described sloths in an encyclopedia didn’t have very nice things to say about them: Slowness, habitual pain, and stupidity are the results of this strange and bungled conformation. These sloths are the lowest form of existence. One more defect would have made their lives impossible. That…

A quarter-life crisis courtesy of the blockchain. — I feel old for crypto. This video of a 3-year-old being blockchain-savvy might’ve contributed: At that age, I was lousily erecting sandcastles and beginning to understand the function of my tiny membrum virile (it has since grown considerably, and by that I mean my understanding). If only my parents…

Tastes like new but swallows like the same old shit. — Dying would be a way. Hear me out. Who was van Gogh during his lifetime? A shy, unsuccessful epileptic on the verge of insanity that only sold one painting? Then he shot himself. Going once, twice — sold for $82.5 million! Let me be clear that, after reviewing the disadvantages…