Why Are Doctors So Incompetent?

Here’s an easy home remedy to prevent getting negligently murdered.

Image by Robots. Creativity by Author.

Look I don’t want you to think I’m here just to sully the good name of medical professionals — in fact, I’ve never been at a restaurant and had the whole room call me out of my day off to Heimlich manoeuver a peanut off of someone’s windpipe, so if anyone deserves unsupervised societal prestige, it’s them doctors and doctresses.

But we can’t just sit here and deny the fact that there is a remarkably stupid breed of physicians out there putting the “practice” into “medical malpractice,” not by honest mistake but by riding the absolute cutting edge of human idiocy.

Luckily, I only had to survive small, trivial negligence myself

I had a mishandled kidney stone and one of my toenails is three-quarters the standard width; don’t ask — but I’ve read stories about towels being forgotten inside stomachs, wrong medications turning patients into indoor plants, and other kinds of half-cocked duncery that leave me wondering whether I should prepare my Darwin Award’s acceptance speech next time I check into a hospital.

I learned of a British neurologist that misdiagnosed 618 children with epilepsy. Six hundred and eighteen. That guy’s license…