Smillew you are absolutely correct and for such a display of open-mindedness let me reward you with the secret behind this piece: it's deliberately not open-minded at all.

I'm trying this thing where I defend a point in a polarizing manner—then leaving nuance and eloquence for the discussion in the comments.

Because, I think:

1. The piece is more entertaining/engaging to read cause it's less neutral and more sentimental

2. I'm working on other reasons, but so far #1 is good enough

3. Algorithmically better?