Props to Medium Curation for Making Sure the Shitposts in My Feed Are Safe From Swear Words

Kinda bored of having to slap an asterisk every time I give a f*ck about something.

Woman holding book (1896) by Edward Penfield (Public Domain) (Modified by author)

Am I the only one around worn-out by this bullsh%itting f$ckery of a c$cks%cking sh😜t parade of censorship?

Who are we protecting here?

Please don’t tell me the nut allergy kids swell from reading swear words too— I’m having 67% of my personality muted here.

If someone gets shellshocked by swear words, why are they here?

In the open field, I mean? Risking their vulnerable psyches?

They should lock the door and restrict themselves to consuming clean comedy material from clean comedians.

Like Bill Cosby’s routines for example.

Don’t worry if they google him. If we can write “rape” and “drugged” in here, I’m sure they’ll be safe.

I’m not just trying to be edgy here

I’m not a Mad Magazine writer. I’m just a guy that wants his words back.

This is purely strategic: a well-positioned “fuck” can give a sentence a special strength that I, as a writer, can’t convey in any other way.

I could pull my dick out and slam it against the wall to project some gravity into my argument, but I’m sure most readers would be thousands of miles away from the subway car where I usually do that.

The quake from the impact would never reach them.

Besides, you love pain, Medium!

Don’t you?

The MWC was so depressing you had to plug a suicide prevention line at the end to show you care for the wellbeing of the US citizens that could exclusively call that line.

Well, swear words are therapeutical, you know? Here’s a research link. Here’s another. And another one. I didn’t even read them. But it makes this paragraph look like it knows what it’s talking about.

So I don’t get why you don’t distribute a raw, brave, honest piece that someone wrote to process a harrowing memory just because it has one too many “fucks” in it.

I don’t get it. If a guy rapes me, I can write in vivid detail about it and even qualify for a prize, but I can’t call him a limp-dicked, cocksucking dipshit?

I rather go to therapy than pimp my traumas for pennies.

Like Japanese porn blurring out the dick

Same energy.

We all know what’s behind the “*” in “f*ck”. We’re all adults here. All the kids are up at TikTok, beating their meat to Charli D’Amelio until an adult hacks into the next OnlyFans account.

And please, don’t tell me it’s to ensure a piece “meets a high editorial standard.” We all know your algorithm would whore itself to any half-witted barf of a listicle with enough click-through rate to bait new subscriber money.

No offence, guys.

You know, after 2 years, I’m starting to dig the “How I Made $0.47 on Medium” stories. Hope you all get the 100 too. I’m rooting for ya!

I don’t think I ask for much

Despite its problems, I think Medium has a heart.

I still believe you guys will fix the UI, the algorithm, and the embarrassing shitfest of Error 404s that makes me think Medium’s servers are running on my hamster's wheel.

Who died 15 years ago.

But it’s okay; I can get over the technical frivolities. Mere trifles of trouble that only coders and engineers should care about.

I’m a writer. Hence I care about my words and my profanity — which, I swear to fucking god, it’s needed for effect.

But anyway. I’m assuming I’m not the only paranoid dilettante shipping stinkers and blaming it on the fucks and shits and titties. If swear words had nothing to do with this, I’ll show myself to the door.

This trash post has been sponsored by Smillew Rahcuef. Free of charge, since I rickrolled him yesterday and I presume he needs the self-esteem boost. Here’s a piece of him that’s likely to have lost all traction by now. Let’s revive it:

I’m still yet to receive an email from Nord VPN wanting to do a collab with me, so the second sponsor of this piece had to be moi:

Enjoy, subscribe, and don’t forget to call your momma once in a while.

Unlisted

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Loudt Darrow

Loudt Darrow

Informed. Opinionated. I might be wrong but never boring.