I've just been destroyed by cool, unexpected formatting and a dope list of offerings to choose from. From here I can only maneuver into a strategic retreat into bed (why are they called "strategic"? How bad a general you must be to literally "strategize" a loss?).

As for the list of gifts, the choice is obvious. The couple packets of chocolate digestives are lacking in ROI. Scented Yankee candle? Not gonna lie; I was close to picking it but since that bag came into my house the air feels kinda flammable. Better keep sparks away.

The Mystery Bag? What if it has the packets of chocolate digestives inside? Can't risk it. That leaves us with one logically inevitable choice.

I'll take the Sims 3 expansion pack.

But anyway. Don't think of this as the end of the mightiest, most low-key wrestling clash of wits that the deepest layers of Medium's comment section has ever known—and will ever witness. Troubadours will sing ballads about this. Give 'em a couple centuries.