I'm doing lovely Natasha thank you 🖤 worry not; my tone is actually satirical (as this is primarily a humour piece) and even though I highlight the strengths of douchebags, I am ultimately critical of them.

I know you gals prefer nice guys, and rightfully so, but in the context of this piece, when I talk of "nice guys" I'm talking about NiceGuys™, that archetype of insecure guy who thinks he's entitled to your vagina just because he showed bare-fucking-minimum levels of human decency.

My point is, both douchebags and NiceGuys™ are toxic. But you knew that already.