How Big Is This Facebook Shitshow?

That massive server outage was just the tip of the Zuckerberg.

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The 5-hour server blackout? That was nothing.

Who doesn’t have an intern that accidentally spills a bit of latte macchiato over the backup servers anyway?

The real blockbuster shitshow for Facebook started about a month ago. A whistleblower leaked a bunch of internal documents that made clear the company’s integrity was a book example of an error 404.

Not found.

These are some of the highlights of that leak.

Instagram makes teens want to kill themselves

I know that feeling of “might as well kill myself now” you get when a piece of tech is not working as it’s supposed to.

But unlike teenage girls, I can take it. I got my stress tolerance tempered in countless battles against printers rejecting my off-brand ink cartridges.

Also, I’m an adult.

Teenage girls don’t know they're comparing their self-image to Photoshop’s liquify tool and not to real women. Those impossible beauty standards are made in post-production.

Facebook knows this. Their internal research has tracked suicidal thoughts in teenage girls back to the use of the app. But they swept it below the carpet because that’s what it takes to be a Fortune 100 company, I guess?

Their algorithm is optimized for hate speech

Back in 2018, Facebook made some changes promising to “emphasize meaningful social interactions,” and for once they delivered.

If by “meaningful social interactions” they mean “nonsensical hateful hysteria.”

Poor Zucks is a robot lizard and could’ve never seen this one coming. But when you change your algorithm to promote whatever human beings are engaging with the most, the result is a playground for conspiracy theorists and terrorist cells.

Because it’s the polarizing arguments, the hate speech, and the misinformed shitposting that leaves us salivating for engagement.

The algorithm gives as many shits as its creators did: none. It’s all just likes and comments for them

They had plans to make an “Instagram for kids”

Now, that’s desperate.

What kind of strong, respectable company refers to children as a “valuable, untapped market”?

There’s a surplus of cute dubs for kids: monkey, pumpkin, cutie pie… valuable untapped market is not one of them.

Christmas at the Zuckerberg household must be a bizarrefest.

“And for you, my dear Valuable Untapped Market, I gift you an unpaid beta-testing pass for our latest social media app — because adults think we’re not cool anymore so we have to exploit your dopamine-hungry little brains if daddy is to stay in business, ok? Merry Christmas!”

They know ALL of this — but will keep chasing profits

Again: this is all internal research. At some point, this stuff has crossed Mark’s desk and shareholders’ meetings. They don’t seem to get uncomfortable with it.

Suicidal teens? Well, someone has to click on the ads.

They know the platform exacerbates misinformation, political unrest, and hate speech. But they roll with it because profits won’t be coming from healthy individuals having “meaningful social interactions.”

And they said their mission was to “make the world more open and connected.” Well, it’s clear that what’s good for the world is not necessarily what’s good for Facebook. Mark himself said that.

So next time there’s a blackout, maybe don’t come back up online. We, the world, will manage.

Become a Medium Member here to get full access and help me buy Mark Zuckerberg a better haircut. That Lego cap is not doing him any favours.

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Loudt Darrow

Loudt Darrow

Informed. Opinionated. I might be wrong but never boring.