Loudt Darrow

I write highbrow, wisecracking stories for the annoyingly intelligent.

At their worst, they’ll make you less stupid. But occasionally I’ll score a banger that will help you become the jesting know-it-all that all your friends deserve to be interrupted by.

Here’s some cool stuff people have said about me:

That Matt Damon joke is way funnier in context.

*Cue ‘Jaws’ theme*

The Gulf Stream (1889) by Winslow Homer (Public Domain) (Modified by author)

If I learned anything from the movie Jaws (and I haven’t) is that sharks don’t have the type of face you’d wanna ask to buy a recycled bracelet for your beach clean-up initiative.

But the truth is, sharks do contribute to the fight against the global warming mess we have…

Delphi at work.

Since Ev is probably busy planning the next pivot for the platform anyway, I took the liberty of finding us someone who could provide this place with a bit of a moral compass.

My first choice was Pai Mei, but he turned out to be fictional.

So meet Delphi

Delphi is an artificial…

Woman holding book (1896) by Edward Penfield (Public Domain) (Modified by author)

Am I the only one around worn-out by this bullsh%itting f$ckery of a c$cks%cking sh😜t parade of censorship?

Who are we protecting here?

Please don’t tell me the nut allergy kids swell from reading swear words too— I’m having 67% of my personality muted here.

If someone gets shellshocked by swear words, why are they here?

In the open field, I…

Wikimedia Commons

The first guy that described sloths in an encyclopedia didn’t have very nice things to say about them:

Slowness, habitual pain, and stupidity are the results of this strange and bungled conformation. These sloths are the lowest form of existence. One more defect would have made their lives impossible.


Soul for sale

Wikimedia Commons (salacious finishing touches by Yours Truly)

Dying would be a way. Hear me out.

Who was van Gogh during his lifetime? A shy, unsuccessful epileptic on the verge of insanity that only sold one painting? Then he shot himself.

Going once, twice — sold for $82.5 million!

Let me be clear that, after reviewing the disadvantages…

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

Pretend everyone’s watching

This might sound far fetched, but since astronomers proved that there’s more out there than the “observable universe,” we can’t discard the possibility that this whole existential shebang is orbiting around your butthole.

So maybe everyone is watching? No pressure.

If the “Cosmic Rectum Axis” is not your cup of…

Loudt Darrow

Sharing fun, fast ideas. Smartass, but trying to be entertaining about it. Words in cool places like Start it Up, Curious, TWC, Ascent, and mum’s fridge door.

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