I write highbrow, wisecracking stories for the annoyingly intelligent.
At their worst, they’ll make you less stupid. But occasionally I’ll score a banger that will help you become the jesting know-it-all that all your friends deserve to be interrupted by.
If I learned anything from the movie Jaws (and I haven’t) is that sharks don’t have the type of face you’d wanna ask to buy a recycled bracelet for your beach clean-up initiative.
But the truth is, sharks do contribute to the fight against the global warming mess we have…
Since Ev is probably busy planning the next pivot for the platform anyway, I took the liberty of finding us someone who could provide this place with a bit of a moral compass.
My first choice was Pai Mei, but he turned out to be fictional.
Delphi is an artificial…
But what is the metaverse though?
It’s bad news for grandmas who were just starting to understand how to use Gmail with a mouse and keyboard.
It’s the successor of the internet. The tech leap that will make the web into something more than just a bunch of underwater tubes.
…
Am I the only one around worn-out by this bullsh%itting f$ckery of a c$cks%cking sh😜t parade of censorship?
Who are we protecting here?
Please don’t tell me the nut allergy kids swell from reading swear words too— I’m having 67% of my personality muted here.
In the open field, I…
As much as I’d like to spice up my feed with open-legged clit close-ups and Jerkmate banner ads, I’m not trying to make a case for rampant nudity here.
I don’t need to. 14-year-old kids know where to go to get the bare stuff anyway. …
The first guy that described sloths in an encyclopedia didn’t have very nice things to say about them:
Slowness, habitual pain, and stupidity are the results of this strange and bungled conformation. These sloths are the lowest form of existence. One more defect would have made their lives impossible.
That…
I feel old for crypto. This video of a 3-year-old being blockchain-savvy might’ve contributed:
At that age, I was lousily erecting sandcastles and beginning to understand the function of my tiny membrum virile (it has since grown considerably, and by that I mean my understanding).
If only my parents…
Dying would be a way. Hear me out.
Who was van Gogh during his lifetime? A shy, unsuccessful epileptic on the verge of insanity that only sold one painting? Then he shot himself.
Going once, twice — sold for $82.5 million!
Let me be clear that, after reviewing the disadvantages…
This might sound far fetched, but since astronomers proved that there’s more out there than the “observable universe,” we can’t discard the possibility that this whole existential shebang is orbiting around your butthole.
So maybe everyone is watching? No pressure.
If the “Cosmic Rectum Axis” is not your cup of…
